Confusion
by HPsea
Summary: I wasn't really sure how I ended up in this place, snogging James Sirius Potter, my so called archenemy. And not only that, but it's happened more than once. What in Merlin's name have I gotten myself in to? One Shot. James/OC I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER


I wasn't really sure how I got here, pressed up against a desk in an empty classroom at one o'clock in the morning, snogging the life out of my archenemy, Mr. James Sirius Potter II, tongues mixing, teeth clashing, his hands tracing over my body. I swear this whole thing started out innocent! Maybe.

I guess that I should start from the beginning, since I'm assuming that you're imagining a faceless and nameless girl kissing an (objectively) hot boy, who just so happens to be her enemy, for no reason at all. In summary, you're imagining me as a slut. Or something. And that's not who I am.

My name is Camilla Avery Jenkins and I'm the Gryffindor Quidditch _co_ -captain. The other co-captain is Potter, and we had been fighting for that spot since I got on the team in my third year when a chaser spot opened up. James was also a chaser, but he had gotten a spot the year before me. I'm pretty sure that Headmistress Clearwater just made us co-captians to spite us and to try and get us to get along. Spoiler alert! It didn't work.

Well, not yet anyways. But we'll get to that later. Right now we're not in the snogging phase. We're still in the arguing phase. I mean, we argue during the snogging phase as well, but again, more on that later.

I guess I should start when this whole snogging thing began. It was a Tuesday, the Tuesday right after we won the first game of the season (not without suffering, I assure you) and to celebrate, the New Marauders (James, Fred, and Jessica) decided to throw a huge prank, which consequently left me and James trapped in a broomstick cupboard together. (Why is it that every 'romantic' thing begins with two people getting stuck in a broomstick cupboard?)

I was innocently trying to walk to my potions class when I heard a light wind and a glance up showed me that my suspicions were correct. The New Marauders had indeed begun to create a rainstorm. Now, I'm sure that you're wondering how I possibly could've guessed that they were going to create some sort of magical rainstorm. Well, to tell you the truth, once you've fought with James as much as I have, you start to get a sense about what his next prank will be. And I knew that it was the New Marauders that pulled the prank because they were giggling at the end of the hallway. That is, until James noticed me standing in the hallway, not moving.

He motioned for Fred and Jessica to run away from the impending gray clouds, and James ran toward me, quickly grabbing my arm and pulling me into a broom cupboard nearby. "What the hell are you doing, douchebag?" I shrieked, yanking at my arm.

"Don't be an idiot, Jenkins," James said, rolling his eyes. "If you go out there now, you'll get stuck in the flood."

"What flood?" I asked.

"The rain," he explained irritably, running a hand through his unruly hair, which all the girls thought was sexy for some reason. Well not me, nah uh. I rolled my eyes and he smirked at me. Again, not sexy. "It's gonna turn into a wall of water, trapping anyone who's in the hallway there, inside the wall of water."

"How will they breathe? Merlin, I know that you're a prat, but I didn't think that you'd go so far as to kill people!"

He rolled his eyes. "They'll be able to leave. So they'll be frozen, but able to see what's going on, which'll make them REALLY bored and will _totally_ bend to our will. It's a new product Weasley's Wizard Wheezes is trying out."

"So, why try and save me?" I had been leaning against the door, looking at him through dim lighting, but suddenly and all at once, (which, looking back on it is what suddenly means, but ignore the repetitiveness) my claustrophobia came crawling back to me. The sound of rushing water entered my ears and I couldn't hear James' answer.

"Whoa, Jenkins. Are you okay?"

"I can't breathe," I responded, tears blurring my vision. I realized that sometime in the last twelve seconds, his arms had come around me, holding me up.

"Oh, shit." I felt one of his hands twitch against my back and I knew that he was itching to run a hand through his hair. (That was _not at all_ sexy). "Your claustrophobic. I forgot."

"H-h-how d-do you even kn-n-ow that?" I stuttered.

"Um, remember when we were fighting and Fred locked us into the Gryffindor locker room? You were freaking out and told me a bunch of random shit about being claustrophobic and how it was a genetic thing and stuff. But it's better than being stuck in the water, right?"

I gave a breathy laugh. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure I told you more about my family than you ever wanted to know."

He grinned at me and I suddenly became aware of the position we were in. His arms were around my waist and I was pressed up against the back of the cupboard. His lips were a breath's away and I felt myself flush. "I read somewhere that the best way to ease claustrophobia is to be distracted."

I looked into his brown eyes, studying the golden flecks within them. "Can you think of anything to distract me with?" _Oh, Merlin. I was flirting with James Potter. The same James Potter that once charmed my clothes off in the middle of a Quidditch game. And the funny thing was:_ I really wanted him to kiss me.

He smirked at me as though he knew what I was thinking, before covering my mouth with his own. It wasn't sweet, it wasn't gentle, and it wasn't anything like a first kiss was supposed to be like. It was rough and it was angry. Kind of like we were pushing all of our frustration and fear on each other, but it served its purpose: it was a distraction.

I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of hearing me moan or sigh or anything of the sort, so I just kissed him harder, fisting my hands in his hair. He smirked against my lips before tugging on my bottom lip with his teeth, giving his tongue access to my mouth, but I didn't care. His hands edged down my thighs and I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, allowing him to push me against the wall.

Our tongues mingled, his fingers rubbed circles into my thighs, inching up before hesitating and massaging back down, my hands tugging gently on his amazingly soft hair (seriously, what conditioner did this boy use?).

I broke away for air and he studied me through half-lidded eyes, his forehead resting on mine. "Was that a sufficient distraction?"

My eyes came to rest on his swollen lips and a wave of lust came over me, so I kissed him in response.

And, BAM. That's how this whole thing started. I mean, that's when we snogged for the first time. We didn't agree on a routine until later on. In fact, the next time we snogged wasn't for another week and a half.

I hadn't really spoken to Potter since The Incident (yes, capital letters needed) and I wan't planning on speaking to him ever again. Now, I know you're wondering, "Camilla, Cammi, Cam. How do you expect to never speak to him if you're co-captains. How is that even possible?" Well, invisible audience, I'm so glad you asked! I have decided that I am going to fire Potter from the Quidditch team. It'll totally work! (I'd like to point out that it totally _didn't_ work.)

Quidditch practice that week was a living hell. Potter and I were trying to work against each other in every way and our poor team was confused to their very last, very tired, bone. In fact, our youngest team member, Izzy Sloane, was so confused by the end of the week, that while we were discussing plays in the locker room, she burst into tears and told us that we were being ridiculous meanie faces and that we should stop fighting because it was ruining our team spirit. And then she stormed off with her white-blonde hair billowing behind her, the rest of the team quickly following, stopping briefly to send nervous looks our way.

Potter sank onto the bench, placing his face in his hands. And then I said the worst thing that I possibly could have said. "Will you have sex with me?"

He snorted and he made his head visible again. "What are you going on about, Jenkins? Have you finally lost your marbles, because if you have then Fred owes me ten galleons."

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically, sitting next to Potter uncomfortably. "Nah. Some of the girls in my dorm have been talking about it lately and when I told them I was a virgin, they decided to tell all the boys they know, and the guys have been harassing me, so I figured that I just want to-"

His lips were on mine once again, but it was a quick kiss. "You talk too much," he grinned.

"So do you," I muttered back. I slung a leg over his hips so that I was straddling him. He grinned again and recaptured my lips, sucking on them as though trying to give me a hickey. I detached my lips from his and he started kissing and suckling down my neck. "Don't... visible.." I gasped out. He seemed to understand what I was trying to say since he moved even lower to a spot just under my collarbone. I dug my fingers into his back, before I realized that his shirt was on.

I discovered that I didn't like that.

I pushed him back and tugged off his shirt, throwing it across the room. He reattached himself to my neck as I discovered new skin. I can't believe that I never noticed how fit this boy was! My fingers lightly traced over his abs, and his mouth froze on my skin. He let out a small groan and I smirked, running my nails across his muscles, making him shiver.

"So is that a yes?" I ground out, trying to keep control of my body and my breathing.

"To what?" Potter asked, blowing on my skin where he had just placed a hickey. I wiggled my hips against his, trying to release some of the pressure building in my stomach. " _Jenkins_ ," he hissed out.

"Um," I shook my head. "Oh! Sex. Me. I mean, will you have sex with me?"

We both stopped moving, panting heavily. Once we regained our breath, he responded, "How about we stick to snogging sessions for now?"

"What, like enemies with benefits?" I laughed.

He gave me a quick peck before shoving me off of him. "Yep. I still hate you, Jenkins."

"Ditto, man whore."

And that's when we came up with this arrangement. We would meet up randomly throughout the castle whenever we had a bad day and forcefully snog each other. Usually, we would slip each other notes saying some stupid pun that would let us know where to meet. My favorite was "Did you just come out of the oven? 'Cause you're hot," and I'd meet him in the kitchen, where we proceeded to scar the eyes of all the poor little house elves.

Anyway, we agreed that it was a non-emotional thing, but something happened one day. I had always been bullied at school since I wasn't as girly as any of the other girls, since I liked Quidditch and wrestling and insulting annoying boys. But it had escalated to a whole new level since my roommates leaked that I was a virgin at eighteen, which really wasn't that abnormal.

But these two idiots cornered me after class, quite literally, and started harassing me. "Oi, Camilla. I heard that you've never been touched before. We'd be more than willing to help you out in that department." Creep Number One ran his hand up my arm.

"I'm good, thanks." I tried to shove past them, but Creep Number Two grabbed my arm. "Hey, don't be such a prude, Jenkins. We're hot, you're a girl. Really, we're giving you the deal of a lifetime. It'll make you more desirable."

"Seriously, leave me alone," I said, doing my best to keep my voice level.

"Now, why would we do that?"

"Because if you don't, I'll beat the shit out of you." I whipped around to see James Potter in all of his glory, his eyes hardening and his wand clenched in his hand. "Camilla, get behind me."

I took his hand and he flung me behind him. "What the hell, Jenkins? I didn't know that you know that you had a boyfriend. Watch it though, once he gets in your pants, he'll ditch you like all the other bitches he's dated before you."

"Don't call her a bitch," James snarled. "Don't you ever talk to her again, or I swear to Merlin, you won't live to see tomorrow."

He took my hand and led me to the seventh floor, and even though my vision was blurred with tears, I could've sworn that a door appeared in front of Potter. He led me through it and I collapsed onto the fluffy white couch that occupied it, letting out my sobs. I felt James pull me into his arms, and he held me, our legs tangling together, as I cried.

"I hate feeling useless. And I hate feeling like I have to be someone I'm not in order for guys to like me. And I hate feeling like I have to want guys to like me."

"I like you," James said, running his hand through my hair. I smiled slightly thinking of all the times that he's done that to his own hair. Then I heard the implication of his words. "As a friend, I mean. We don't really feel like enemies anymore, do we."

I grinned up at him and twisted my body around so that I could reach his lips comfortably. "So, are we friends with benefits now?"

He was going crosseyed trying to keep his eyes on my lips. I wet my lips very slowly and his breathing picked up. "Yeah, friends with benefits. Sounds good."

His lips crashed onto mine and our tongues tangled together. His lips met mine over and over again, making me frazzled, wishing that he would just fully kiss me without leaving me aching for more of him. It was funny how he could make me feel like crap one moment and then like jumping him the next. Another question jumped into my head and I gently detached myself from him. He let out a quick whimper of protest. "Wait," I gasped.

"What, Camilla?" I tried to ignored the shiver that ran through me when he said my name and when he looked at me through lustful eyes.

"Why did you save me today?" I asked, nudging his nose with my own. He let out a puff of air onto my face and I wrinkled my nose, not because his breath smelled bad, though. It actually smelled like honey.

"I already told you," he answered, tightening his grip on my waist. "You're my friend. I protect my friends."

"Thanks."

So, the routine continued, only we talked a lot more now. Sometimes we met up in the Room of Requirement (which is, I recently learned, the room that James took me to after he saved me from the idiots) and instead of snogging, we would just talk about life and stuff. And while he was still an arrogant prat, I found that I really liked his annoyingness.

No one knew about our friendship. It was something we kept on the down low, because, let's get real, if people knew that we were friends, much less friends with benefits, there would be an uprising. Our animosity was a very public thing, and if they saw that we were friends, they'd be asking what we were on. So, it remained a secret.

And I was happy! It didn't bother me when people made fun of me anymore because I knew that no matter how bad my day got, I knew that James would be waiting for me in our secret locations at the end of the day. And James always made me feel better.

And then I had to go and screw everything up.

We were lying in the Room of Requirement, both of us shirtless since it was the beginning of summer and bloody boiling. James was rambling on about some new plays that he was working on, tracing burning patterns on my skin, when I interrupted him: "James? Why won't you have sex with me?"

He looked at me through confused eyes, the hand on my hip stilling. "You want to have sex?" I shrugged. "Listen, your first time should be with someone you love, not someone you hook up with occasionally."

"When did you lose your virginity?"

He smirked before kissing me lightly on the forehead. "I'll let you know when I find out."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, you're waiting for someone you love?" I questioned, my stomach burning with heat, anxiously waiting for the answer.

"I might've found her. I'm just waiting for her to figure it out." His eyes bore into mine and I wondered who he was talking about. "Anyway, you should wait for someone you love instead of losing your virginity now."

"But I do l-" I cut myself off. "Shit. Shit. Shit." I shot up and pulled on my top.

"What's wrong?" James asked, suddenly looking alert.

"I can't." I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, James. This friends with benefits thing we had going on, I'm ending it. I just can't deal with it anymore."

He grabbed my arm. "What just happened? One minute we were talking about sex, and the next you're running out of here like I have cooties, which don't exist, despite what my Auntie Luna says. So, what's up?"

 _I love you_. I tugged my arm out of his grip. "I'm sorry, James. Potter."

We didn't talk for nearly a month and a half after that. The funny thing was, people noticed that even though we've always hated each other. Because apparently, no matter how much we bickered, we would always at least _be_ bickering. But I couldn't face him, so I threw myself into my work to try and forget about James Potter.

About two weeks after we stopped talking, my best friend, Cole, came to talk to me, along with Fred and Jessica, both of whom I don't think Cole has ever had a real conversation with. "What do you want?"

"What happened between you and James?" Jessica asked bluntly.

"Nothing," I snapped, wrapping my sweater around me more tightly.

Jessica and Cole exchanged looks. "You guys both lost a lot of weight, seriously, you look like skeletons, and neither of you are talking to each other. And you guys always go out of your way to insult each other. So what's up?"

"We got in a fight," I said, trying to push past them, but Fred grabbed me by the arm, and he was seriously built like a bear. Being an amazing beater probably helped with that.

"Yeah, but your fights always happen in public and are never that serious. So unless you've been meeting in secret, which I wouldn't be that surprised about, since he's been meeting someone in secret and it might as well be you. You know, since your relationship being outed would be school wide gossip, and-"

"What relationship?" I asked sharply.

"Whoa," Fred said, putting his arms up in a seize-fire gesture. "I didn't mean to imply anything."

"Sorry, I'm just a bit on edge. I gotta go." I looked at Cole. "I'll see you later."

She smiled mischievously and looked at Jessica. "Indeed."

They caught us two days later. I was walking down the potions corridor with Cole beside me talking a mile-a-minute when suddenly, I'm being shoved in broomstick cupboard. "What the hell? Cole-"

"Sorry," she called, before slamming the cupboard door closed. I banged against it, but it seemed to be magically locked.

"Damn," I muttered.

"Yeah, that was pretty much my assessment." I whipped around to see, who else, James Potter leaning against the back wall of the cupboard. "So, they got you too?"

"Um, hi."

He smirked, but there was a nervous undertone that I wasn't accustomed to seeing on him. "Hi. Are you okay? I mean, with your claustrophobia and all."

"Well, at least we know a surefire way to distract me if I start having a panic attack," I tried to joke, albeit weakly.

Apparently, James- er, Potter- didn't appreciate me trying to lighten the mood since he slammed his head against the wall, before starting toward me. Once again, I noticed how close we were and how there was no room to back up in the small space. "Why did you break it off? I wouldn't mind if you just didn't want to snog me, but why couldn't we stay friends?"

My breathing picked up and I gasped out my answer: "It was too painful. But, Potter, I can't-" And with that I burst into tears, and his arms came around my waist.

"Shh, it's okay," he whispered into my hair, winding his fingers in it. "I'm going to try the door again, okay?" I nodded against his shirt and he reached past me to try the door, which miraculously opened. He led me out up to the seventh floor.

When I realized where he was taking me, I started fighting him. "No, James, you can't! I don't wanna talk!"

"Cammi! We need to talk! I want to talk!" Then, more quietly, he added: "I miss you, Camilla. Please. I want us to be friends again."

I let out a breath that I didn't realize I had been holding and followed him into the Room of Requirement. I looked around and saw that the room had formed into its usual fluffy Gryffindor bed and couch. I sat gingerly on the bed and James scooted next to me. "So," I started nervously. "You wanted to talk?"

"You said that it was too painful to even stay friends!" he exclaimed angrily. "What was painful? Look at both of us! We're both miserable! Isn't that even more painful?"

"I-"

"Or is this about the sex thing? Because if it is, then-"

"Stop!" I yelled. "James, I couldn't deal with it!"

"Camilla, I-"

"I couldn't deal with you because when we were talking about the sex and you said that it was better to wait for someone that you loved, and I realized that I..."

"I love you, too," James said. I froze, and for a minute, we just looked at each other. And then we crashed together, his mouth on mine, my hand in his hair, both of us groaning into each other. He ripped at my shirt and I shoved my hands under his, aching to feel his abs.

We were bare except for our underclothes. James was propped on top of me, one hand knotted in my hair, the other tracing hearts on my thigh, sending hot shivers up my spine. My hands were at his waist, keeping his hips close to mine. And we breathed together. "James?"

He hummed and, screwing up my courage, I said, "I love you." His eyes shot open and he kissed me lightly on the lips, both of our eyes open. I'd never kissed anyone with my eyes opened before. It felt more intense and intimate than anything I'd ever done before. "So, doofus."

His laugh ghosted across my face and he kissed me again, murmuring declarations of love as he nibbled down my neck. His hands went to my bra clasp and I sucked in a breath. _This is happening_. And it was pain, pleasure, and all kinds of right.

And finally, I was no longer confused about my feelings.


End file.
